This week we have been talking a lot about interdependence in relationships and what that means. So I want to start out by asking you…what does an interdependent relationship look like to you? Please put it in the comments because I think it is important for us to recognize that an interdependent relationship looks a little bit different to each of us, based on where we lie on the dependency scale…somewhere between being completely dependent on our partner to being completely independent of them.
Many independent people will say that an interdependent relationship to them looks like being loved and supported by their partner. And many dependent people say that to them an interdependent relationship looks more like having more personal control and freedom. The truth is that what we want is usually the one thing that is the most difficult for us to allow ourselves to have.
Independent people have mastered being self-sufficient which is awesome. But the cost of that mastery is oftentimes an inability to trust, believe in and rely on others to be there when they need them…which leaves them longing for support. It’s not that the support isn’t available to them. They simply don’t know how to ask for it, accept it, or acknowledge that they need it.
Dependent people have mastered relying on others to get their needs met which is amazing. But the cost of that mastery is oftentimes an inability to trust, believe in and rely on themselves to make their own way…which leaves them longing for control and freedom. It’s not that they don’t have freedom or control, they simply don’t know how to ask for it, accept it, or acknowledge that they need it.
So how do we find our way back to an interdependent relationship?
First you must recognize where you fall on the scale of dependency.
Then you must recognize what you need to do to start mastering a balance for yourself. It’s not about independent people becoming dependent or vice versa. It is about all people mastering the ability to depend both on others and on themselves so that they can both give and receive love & support in abundance.
Understanding where your dependency style originated can be super helpful. It can also help you be able to acknowledge where your fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs were born that have kept you from being able to fully experience the full range of being able to depend completely on another to being able to have them depend completely on you.
The final step is in recognizing your partners dependency style. Are they dependent? Then what they really want is to feel strong, powerful, and in control. How can you support them and empower them to believe in their self? Is your partner independent? How can you help support them?
For most of us it boils down to creating strong and effective communication tools with each other. Just opening up the topic of interdependence with your partner can be an enlightening experience. What does an interdependent relationship mean to them? Where do they see themselves on the scale? What is working for them and not working for them currently in your relationship? What new skills can they work towards mastering in order for the two of you to find balance together within the relationship? And how can you support them?
If you take the time to sit down with your partner and really listen to their answers to these questions, together you will be able to chart a course towards the interdependent relationship of your dreams. And if you need support along the way I am always available for a Family Holistic Therapy session to help you work through the difficult parts together.
I had a live session on Facebook this week where I promised to send out a healing meditation to everyone on my email list that will walk you through the process of finding your way back to interdependence in your relationship. You will find the link below.
Wishing you and your loved one a blessed week.
With love & light,